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Bibbity, Bobbity, Toenail

August 22, 2011

Grandma Mary was babysitting our kids one night when Maddox found a nice little present on the ottoman in our living room: it was a toenail. Evidently, some poor soul was too weak and famished to get their arse off of the couch and actually throw the thing away (cough, cough, BRODY), so the toenail found a nice little home on the ottoman where it could surprise and delight all of our visitors for days to come.

Maddox, who picked up the toenail, exclaimed, “Look Grandma! A toenail!” His eyes grew wide with amazement.

Poor Grandma, who was forced to feast her eyes upon the hideous thing, said, “Why, yes, that is indeed a toenail.” (Vomit in mouth).

“Will the tooth fairy come pick this up?” Maddox said, while grasping the curly object.

“No, honey, I don’t believe the tooth fairy will be picking up any toenails.”

“Well, what about the toenail fairy? Will the toenail fairy come pick this up?” he said as he got a closer look at the bodily doodad by holding it up to his nose.

Odd that he believes there to be a toenail fairy. I wonder what other types of fairies he believes in, since a toenail fairy seems to be the bottom of the barrel in terms of fairy-work. I imagine a toenail fairy to look somewhat disheveled, maybe missing a few teeth and harboring some sort of odor. She probably stopped off at the local fairy bar for a quick shot of tequila on her way out to pick up fallen toenails from around the world.

When Maddox woke up the next morning he skipped down the stairs to see if the toenail had been gathered up in the bosom of the toenail fairy and, lo and behold, it was gone!

“Grandma!” he proclaimed. “The toenail fairy DID pick up the toenail!”

Great. Can anyone tell me what a kid gets paid for toenails? I’ve heard the rate has gone up for teeth, but this is a different ballgame.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Grandma Mary permalink
    August 23, 2011 10:43 am

    She’s Got Grandma Mary’s bingo arms. B-I-N-G-O!

  2. kate permalink
    August 28, 2011 8:17 pm

    Such enjoyment you add to my day! -Kate

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